That Covenant Life

Well, hello everyone. I’m so glad that you are here. If you’re watching online, we’re so glad that you are doing that as well. We have college students who are on spring break—welcome. We’re glad you’re back, and we’re glad you’re with us.

In this series, That Redeemed Life, every week there’s a blank we’re filling in. We talked about the young and free life that impacts all of us—from the time we are young to those of us who are older. Then we talked about the independent life, when we are free from a covenant relationship. And this week we’re talking about covenant—that covenant life—when we walk into a relationship and make a commitment under the banner of heaven to be in covenant with someone in marriage.

We have people who are seriously dating, people who are engaged, and people who are married. This last week, like every other week, I was praying for people—specifically for those in our community living that independent life. Some love it. Some are saying, “I want to get married.”

As we were getting ready for Date Night this Friday, I started praying over the names of the couples registering. I was asking God to help us have fun, have a great meal, enjoy childcare and all that—but also to walk away with a tool for every person who has made that covenant with another person.

By the way, there’s still room. People always sign up at the last minute—let’s not do that. Today or tomorrow morning at the latest would help our team create a great experience. We’ve already had a couple dozen people sign up this morning. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

As I was praying, I was reminded of something everyone who has made a covenant relationship has experienced. It’s that moment at a wedding when something shifts. No matter what your wedding was like—big or small—there’s a moment where words are spoken, hearts are opened, and something is established.

What’s being established is a covenant.

In the eyes of God, I am committing to you. You are committing to me. There’s something terrifying and exciting about it. Whether you’re a cynic or a romantic, everyone in the room senses that something is shifting. These two people are becoming one under the banner of heaven.

So as we talk about covenant, I want to give us a clearer understanding of what that word means in Scripture.

In the Old Testament (mostly written in Hebrew), covenant means a treaty, a compact, an agreement—an association between two parties with responsibilities, benefits, and penalties.

In the New Testament (mostly written in Greek), covenant is a solemn agreement between two parties—a will and testament, a legal document by which property is transferred to heirs, usually upon death. That phrase “till death do us part” is influenced by this idea. That wording entered the Book of Common Prayer in 1549 through the Church of England. It comes from the phrase “till death us depart” or “till death us separate.” It’s tied to covenant.

So when two people stand in front of witnesses and get married, they can write poetic vows, funny vows, beautiful vows—but in the eyes of God, here’s what they’re saying:

“I take you and make a pact to take on the responsibilities and enjoy the benefits of being one party instead of two. It is my last will and testament that all I have is yours, and all that is yours is mine. The breaking of this agreement has penalties too steep to bear, but the honoring of it will bring a joy too great to bear—until we die.”

That’s what covenant means.

And I wonder—for those who are married, planning to get married, or in committed relationships—do we truly understand covenant? Because our family of origin either gave us a low view of marriage or a high view of marriage. Culture shapes us. Our country shapes us. Religious or non-religious backgrounds shape us.

But do we see marriage outside cultural assumptions? Do we see it the way God created it—not about power and autonomy, not about convenience, not about wealth or influence—but about covenant under God?

When two people join in covenant, everything else gets laid aside. Now it’s about building a new life together. And that takes work.

There are fears:
Will I be enough?
Will I be safe?
Will I lose myself?

Real, valid questions before and after covenant.

So take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

We’re going to Scripture. And I’ll warn you—some of you may feel triggered. Not because I want that, but because of cultural assumptions, family of origin, past hurt, or misinterpretations of Scripture. Let’s pause, step back, discern, and walk through this together.

Ephesians 5 says:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…”

Don’t walk out yet.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

Paul says marriage is a mystery—not a puzzle to solve, but a reality to step into. Marriage mirrors Christ and the church.

And here’s the tension:
It is far more glorious than we imagined.
And far more demanding than we expected.

Umbrella one: Mutual submission.

Notice Paul doesn’t start with wives. He says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Both parties. Husband and wife together.

In that culture, submission was expected of women. Men only submitted to someone who outranked them. So Paul saying, “Men, submit your power and authority to your wives,” was radically countercultural.

Submission does not mean annihilation of personality. It means yielding yourself for the good of the other.

Mutual submission isn’t natural for us. We defend ourselves. Keep score. Protect our ego. But covenant says, “I fear God. I revere what He created. I submit my rights not because my spouse is perfect—but because Christ surrendered His rights for me.”

Christ laid down His life. That is the model.

Umbrella two: Wives—submission and respect.

This has been misused and weaponized. But remember:

1. Verse 21 frames it with mutual submission.

2. Paul is speaking to Christian wives in covenant with Christian husbands.

3. Submission is not blind obedience. It’s trust within covenant.

Submission here means allowing the person you’re in covenant with to love you well. It means not withholding your heart from the covenant.

There are real wounds in this world. One in three women experience abuse. We are not saying ignore that. We are saying covenant is meant to be a safe place where healing can happen.

I’ve had to let my wife into parts of my own pain. I’m one in four men who has experienced abuse. For years I kept boundaries up—not because I didn’t trust her, but because I didn’t want to share the shame. When I finally let her in, God used her for healing.

Respect means seeing your husband not just as he is today, but as the son of God he is becoming. You’re not shrinking. You’re participating in covenant.

And hear me clearly: this is about marriage covenant. It is not about submitting to every man everywhere. This is covenant.

Umbrella three: Husbands—sacrificial love.

“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

That’s the standard.

Not love her when she’s lovable. Not just provide. Not just protect. Love her like Christ—washing feet, bearing misunderstanding, absorbing injustice, going to the cross.

Agape love is actionable covenant commitment.

Men, are your wives flourishing under your leadership and care? Christ presents the church radiant. Our wives should be more radiant, more confident, more alive in God’s purposes because of our love—not less.

Umbrella four: One flesh and the gift of sex.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Sex matters because it reinforces covenant. You are one—not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. That was radically countercultural.

Marriage is mutual giving. Mutual care. Mutual flourishing.

If we don’t live this way, sex becomes a battlefield instead of a celebration of union.

Umbrella five: Marriage as gospel.

“This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Marriage is not ultimate. It’s a signpost.

When a husband sacrifices for his wife, the world glimpses Christ’s cross.
When a wife joyfully trusts her husband’s loving leadership, the world glimpses the church’s devotion.
When both submit to one another, the world sees the gospel embodied.

Children grow up seeing grace lived out. Single friends see marriage isn’t an idol, but a calling. Married couples see their union isn’t about self-fulfillment, but redemption.

Marriage doesn’t begin with performance. It begins with humility. It exposes selfishness. It presses us into dependence on Christ.

Marriage isn’t just about happiness. It’s about holiness.

One day, every earthly marriage will give way to the greater wedding feast—the union of Christ and His church. Until then, every act of mutual submission and sacrificial love whispers the mystery that we are loved by a Bridegroom who gave Himself for us.

We are invited into covenant—not to oppress, but to reflect the image of God.

Let’s pray.

Lord, thank You that You are good when we are not. You call us to higher ways of living than we even knew existed. I pray for my brothers and sisters in covenant—that they would reflect You well. Thank You for Scripture that challenges us and compels us to be more like You. Because of Christ, we can live this way.

In His name we pray. Amen.